Guest Blogger, Kristen Jurgenson Housen

09/12/2014 11:44


The older we get (translation "the nearer to 40"), the more I realize that my college buddies, who were absolutely hilarious as young adults, have honed their respective comedic talents into comedic genius.  Gone are the fart jokes (for the most part), which have been replaced by wry, witty observations on life and a charming way of stringing words together.  I think these people (ahem, Kristen) should try their hand at writing professionally.  I'm also looking at you, Kerrie Olzak.  So, please enjoy the musings of Kristen Jurgenson Housen.



There's something wrong with me...


So, here I am, settled into a new home with my new husband, and I'm loving it. But one thing that never really occurred to me is that living without a dishwasher is time-consuming. I spend a significant portion of any given day cooking, washing dishes, and tripping on the pets who are constantly at my feet. I have never felt more domesticated in my life. This domesticity lends itself well to one thing - random thought generation. Though most of you probably do not care what I think on a daily basis, I thought I would share my free flow list of random thoughts that occurred last night as I did the dishes....


■      I had no idea it took this much work to do the dishes.

■      Stupid dishwashers.

■      This is like the 1970s.

■      At least I'm not wearing any fringe.

■      Is this how the Amish feel?

■      Do the Amish even have indoor plumbing?

■      Do they have to carry the water in from the well?

■      No wonder the Amish start the day before sunrise.

■      Do they use only wooden plates?

■      Wooden plates wouldn't be very hygienic.

■      If I step on this dog I will not feel sorry.

■      "Tucker, get out of the kitchen."

■      Ok, that was a lie, I do feel sorry.

■      "Sorry I stepped on you Tuck."

■      I told him to get out of the kitchen.

■      Stupid dog.

■      Is this the wash sponge or the scrub sponge?

■      We eat too much cheese.

■      How many spoons do we have in this house?

■      Oh cruel fate, oh tomato sauce, how I love and hate you simultaneously.

■      Staining. Of course. How trashy.

■      I'll put that in the 'no guests will ever see this' cupboard.

■      Have people thinking I don't wash the dishes.

■      Ugh, my back hurts already? I just started.

■      Can we not just rinse and re-use the same glass, must we pull clean ones out at every opportunity?

■      Frickin' rice.

■      Rice gets everywhere.

■      I wish we grew our own rice.

■      No, that's too much standing water. Mosquitoes.

■      Ugh, I hate mosquitoes.

■      Is that a bug?

■      No, just rice.

■      Wait, when did we have Spanish rice?

■      Oh, leftovers, not a bug.

■      Frickin' cheese.

■      Can we soak the plates before the rice and cheese get dried on?

■      I'm gonna have to let that soak now.

■      Ugh, my back hurts.

■      Frickin' dog, get outta the kitchen.

■      Smoke break!

■      Better dig into that pan.

■      Frickin' pan.

■      I hate scrubbing.

■      This is gonna ruin my nails.

■      This better be the best freakin pan on the face of the planet.

■      Once this pan is clean, I swear, I'm gonna put out a billboard on the greatness of this pan, that's how much work this pan takes.

■      Huh, I bet that's how God feels, He must cherish us after putting so much work in to clean us up.

■      Ugh, I need another SOS pad.

■      Oh pan, you better be worth it.

■      Yep, nails are ruined, I'm sure of it.

■      I'm so domestic.

■      Great, now all I need to be is barefoot and I'm every redneck's dream.

■      Don't ever say that to Kevin.


■      Oh gosh, I'm funny.

■      Freakin' pan.

■      Finally. Freaking dishes.